


amplified

by ventmethis



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Boyfriends, Established Relationship, FBI, Flashback, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, M/M, Sad, bau, just two fbi boys in love, worried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27971729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ventmethis/pseuds/ventmethis
Summary: “I’m sorry,” Reid says, his voice cracking and eyes watering. He’s not apologizing because he locked Morgan out. He’s not apologizing because he refuses to let Morgan in or to go out himself. He’s apologizing because he knows he fucked up. He shouldn’t have walked into this house without thinking it through. He shouldn’t have put his own life at this much risk. And he should have thought more about Morgan – hell, he should have thought more about the entire team – before deciding to come in here like this was a normal case they would work.--------------------------------A deeper look into the events of "Amplification."Morgan struggles with the fact that the odds of his boyfriend dying on the job are very high.
Relationships: Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 11
Kudos: 157





	amplified

**Author's Note:**

> Just a warning - this has only been read through and proof read once so I apologize for any and all mistakes. 
> 
> Anyway I watched this episode and sort of fell in love with the dynamic the two had throughout it and the constant longing so I came up with this. 
> 
> I don't own anything that comes from directly from the show, as this does consist of a lot of real lines that I pulled directly from the episode. 
> 
> Please enjoy :)

As soon as the sliding glass door gets shut in his face, the panic sets in. Morgan can feel it deep in his stomach. At first it’s confusion – he doesn’t understand why Reid shut the door and further, why he locked it. His brain isn’t fully processing the fact that Reid is telling him to stay back and to leave. When he tells Reid to open the door, Reid looks up and they lock eyes and he can see it all over Reid’s face. Something is wrong, very very wrong. His boyfriend is standing there, looking back at him, with fear in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Reid says, his voice cracking and eyes watering. He’s not apologizing because he locked Morgan out. He’s not apologizing because he refuses to let Morgan in or to go out himself. He’s apologizing because he knows he fucked up. He shouldn’t have walked into this house without thinking it through. He shouldn’t have put his own life at this much risk. And he should have thought more about Morgan – hell, he should have thought more about the entire team – before deciding to come in here like this was a normal case they would work.

Reid’s brain works fast. Almost inhumanly fast. But for whatever reason, he wasn’t thinking when he did this. And as soon as he locks the door and looks at Morgan, waiting to make eye contact, he can feel how bad this is going to be for them – for him. When his eyes tear up, it’s more because of the look he sees on Morgan’s face, the sadness and worry that has settled itself into his facial expressions, and less because of the fact that there’s a very probable chance he won’t make it out of this.

“Reid, man, what the hell were you thinking?” Morgan asks, his hand coming to slam down on the glass door.

With a small flinch, Reid starts to scramble for words. “I-I-I don’t, I don’t know. I wasn’t. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” His hands go to his head, his fingers running through his hair and pulling in an attempt to relieve stress. The younger boy starts to walk back and forth, fingers still tangled in his hair.

“You gotta pull it together, Reid,” Morgan starts, walking back to the glass from where he had walked away to, “we don’t have time to panic. I’m going to call Hotch, you look for anything that could give us answers or a cure. Something, ok?”

Reid nods in response and Morgan starts to walk away, pulling for his cell phone as he does.

“Morgan?” Reid shouts before he sees Morgan get too far away. When Morgan raises his eyebrow in a silent answer Reid says, “I really am so sorry.”

They argue about this often – far too often for either of them to admit. They both always find themselves walking straight into danger. They find themselves alone with the unsub or trapped in a room with anthrax and their lives at risk. And they can both admit they’re guilty of doing it. They don’t think about the outcomes or the statistics, they do what they need to do at the time being to save a life. It’s their job and it’s what they’re used to. That doesn’t make it any easier for them to handle it appropriately when the other does it.

Mid argument they agree to stop being so selfish when working cases but they both know it’s just to shut the other up because they will inevitably do it again. The fighting comes with the fact that they never know when it will be the last time. They have experience with talking people down from the edge, but it’s never a definite thing.

And it’s hard to watch the person you love go into a room that has death written all over it and not expect the worst. This time is no different and if they’re both being honest, the odds don’t seem to be in Reid’s favor. Morgan thinks there’s a good chance they will find the cure or the pills they took earlier will help to prevent dying like all of the other victims had. Reid on the other hand is a scientific man – he thinks about numbers and statistics - and he knows the small details on almost all, if not every, drug in the book and he knows that coming out of this alive would be a miracle. 

“Don’t apologize, kid. You’ve got nothing to apologize for. We’re getting you out of there and we’re getting you out of there safe and alive.” Morgan reassures him before walking back around the car, pulling out his phone to dial Hotch’s number.

It only takes one ring before Hotch picks up the phone.

Morgan doesn’t even give Hotch time to offer a greeting before he’s rambling. “Hotch, Dammit, Hotch.” He pauses for a brief moment, looking around trying to come up with words. “Reid’s in trouble. We need Dr. Kimura out here and anyone else who can help. And fast.”

He knows he’s slightly panicking, and he knows that panicking isn’t going to be of any help but he also can’t make it stop.

“Ok, Morgan. Stay calm. What happened to Reid?” Hotch asks, already putting stuff into his bag and preparing to head toward the two agents.

“He’s been exposed to the anthrax. I can explain more when you’re here just please hurry and get people here.” Morgan begs.

Hotch’s stomach drops, dread setting in. “Of course, we’ll be there as soon as possible. Keep Reid calm in the meantime and have him looking for anything that might help us. Keep his mind off of it so he doesn’t start to spiral.”

Morgan nods in response, completely aware of the fact that Hotch can’t actually see him. He hangs up the phone and starts walking back towards the house.

When Morgan reaches the sliding door again, he can see Reid walking back and forth with his fingers at his mouth. Morgan can’t tell if he’s biting his fingers or picking at his lips, but it’s obvious that the younger boy is in distress.

“Reid,” Morgan says, an attempt to get his attention. He tries calling his name once more, this time a little louder. He still doesn’t receive a response although he knows that Reid can hear him. “Spencer, baby, come on I need you to focus.”

The use of Reid’s first name was enough to get him out of his trance, but the pet name is what really brings him back. They’ve both agreed on being nothing but professional on the job – not only to keep the relationship from interfering with their work, but also to prevent anyone else from catching onto them before they’re ready – which is why hearing Morgan call him baby eases his mind and makes him feel at home. 

“Morgan, sorry. I uh… I just lost track of myself there. I um---”

Reid gets cut off when Morgan says, “I know, I know. But we are running on limited time here and I’m just as worried as you are right now but you gotta work while you’re in there. We need you to try to find something that’ll help us figure this all out, ok?”

Reid nods and says, “Yeah, yeah. I’ll do that. I’ll go see what I can find.”

Morgan waits for a few minutes, watching as Reid begins to examine the room, slowly tearing the place apart to see what he can find.

He can’t see much from his obstructed view, but he can hear that Reid has stopped moving things around – seemingly halting his search of the lab.

“Reid?”

“Dr. Nichols is dead. He was attacked, I think. Odds are blunt force trauma. By the looks of it, I’d say he’s been dead a while. Two or three days, give or take.” Reid responds, squatted down observing the body.

“Dammit,” Morgan mutters, wondering how this day could get any worse. “Anything around him that shows what he was working on? If he was this exposed to the anthrax, surely he had to have some way of preventing it for himself, right?”

“You’d think, but there’s nothing in here off the top of my head that catches my eye as a cure. I’ll keep looking.”

Morgan once again listens as Reid tears up the room in search of any sort of answer. As each second passes, he finds himself getting angrier at the fact that he’s out there whilst Reid is in there, in danger.

When he hears the sirens getting close, he leaves Reid to it and goes to meet up with Hotch.

Morgan approaches Hotch as he gets out of the vehicle. Hotch asks him what’s going on with Reid and as calmly as he can, he begins to explain.

“There’s white powder in the room and the air was blasting,” he begins. He hears General Whitworth call for a decon to come and assist. “I should have been right there with him.” Morgan says, the guilt slowly eating at him. He’s well aware that Reid should have never gone in alone, but he also shouldn’t have let Reid out of his sight on a case like this. They both know better.

Hotch interrupts his thoughts shortly after, not providing him the opportunity to continue overthinking the situation, when he says, “Morgan, there’s no time for second guessing. What do we know?”

“Nichols is dead. Blunt force trauma to the head. Reid thinks he’s been dead two or three days.”

Hotch nods and the General says that would mean there’s no way that he was the one that started all of this – implying he may have had a partner.

Morgan asks the question he’s been pondering over in his head since he saw Reid and the anthrax in the same room. “Reid took cipro today, so he’s gotta be ok right?”

After Hotch tells him it was just something used to take caution and not something they knew would work, the General tells them both that it hasn’t worked for anyone at the hospital.

Feeling his patience growing thin, Morgan replies with, “Yeah but they didn’t take it until after they were exposed. Reid took it before.” He knows he’s being a little too optimistic, but without a positive outlook, he has nothing.

“Yeah, but we’ve never tested this strain on a cipro-ready subject. We just don’t know.”

Morgan rolls his eyes. If he’s being honest, he’s tired of this dude’s negative attitude towards every step they’ve taken so far. He bets that if someone this man loved was stuck inside that house right now, he’d be acting much quicker and smarter.

\----

As soon as Reid spots them outside, he quickly dials Hotch’s number and waits for him to answer. He’s staring out at them from the window, his free hand fidgeting and his teeth gnawing away at his bottom lip.

Hotch answers quickly, putting him on speaker so they can all hear him.

“Hotch, I really messed up this time,” Reid confesses, making eye contact with Morgan through the window. Looking at him, Reid doesn’t feel any sense of stress or worry. He feels sad. He feels sad because he can see how he’s hurt Morgan by doing this.

Reid averts his eyes from Morgan to Hotch when he hears Hotch say, “Reid, we need to get you out and to the hospital.”

Instantly, with no thought, Reid replies with, “No, I’m staying right here.”

His eyes flicker back to Morgan at the sound of his voice over the phone.

“No, you’re not, Reid.”

Reid wishes that he could find a way to explain it that made sense to Morgan. But they’ve been in this same situation so many times – and he’s been on the opposite end – watching Morgan putting himself into extreme danger and he knows that nothing he says is going to be comforting to him right now.

“I’m already exposed. It’s not gonna do me any good to stop working the case.” Reid settles on. He continues with, “My best chance is to stay here, see if there’s a cure, try to figure out who killed Dr. Nichols.”

“Come on, Hotch,” Morgan pleads, “say something to him.”

And Hotch would love to say something to him. He’d really love to do anything that would be helpful to Reid right now, but he knows that this is their only shot.

“He’s right, his best chance is inside.” Hotch says, hearing but choosing to ignore the scoff Morgan lets out.

Morgan was already upset at the whole situation, but he was trying not let his anger deflect back onto Reid. But hearing Reid willingly keep himself in danger for the sake of finding a cure makes him feel angry at Reid himself. Deep down he knows this is in fact their best bet, but he doesn’t like it. He’s tired of feeling like he’s going to be sick and he’s sick of getting bad news.

He tunes back in when he hears Hotch assure Reid that they’d be getting him a mask and suit and he, unfortunately, hears Reid say, “Don’t bother. It’s not gonna do me any good. I’m already infected.” And then the line goes dead.

Morgan shakes his head. It’s one bad thing after another.

Hotch puts a hand on Morgan’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort the man.

“I know you’re worried about him, he’s like your little brother. But he’ll be ok, we’re going to get him out of this.” Hotch reassures.

Morgan holds back a sarcastic laugh at the fact that Hotch said he’s like his brother. He wonders how someone who profiles people for a living could be so oblivious.

“Yeah, well I’m not leaving here until we do.”

Hotch nods, understandingly. “Good, he could use some moral support from the team out here. I’m going to head back to the office, call me if anything changes.”

Hotch and the General walk away, leaving Morgan with his hands on his hips, staring into the window and watching Reid walk around, looking for a cure.

He wonders what Reid is thinking as he’s going through the mess inside.

Morgan thinks about how they haven’t had enough time together. He doesn’t think there’s such thing as enough time with Reid, although his ego is too big for him to ever say that out loud. But they’ve only been together for a few months.

He never gave much to thought as to how long it took for them to both reveal their feelings to each other, be right now he finds himself wishing he had told him sooner. He wishes they hadn’t wasted their time aimlessly flirting and pretending it was friendship.

Morgan thinks back to when their relationship, their real, romantic, relationship, was first starting.

-

_The team is in Las Vegas, working on a child abduction case. Everyone can tell that this hits close to home for Reid, seeing as it’s his home town and there are a multitude of childhood memories, good and bad, flooding his mind._

_Nobody knows how badly it’s affecting Reid until Morgan is startled awake one night in the victim’s home after he hears Reid shouting his name, asking him to get them off of him. He works hard to wake up Reid, but it’s not a quiet affair and they unfortunately wake up the homeowners._

_After begging, Morgan finally convinces them to go back upstairs and get some sleep._

_Morgan tries to comfort Reid and talk to him after that. When Reid reveals he’s dreaming about a dead kid and his concern that they won’t be able to find the current victim, Morgan hurts for him._

_He asks Reid if he wants to talk about the dream. Reid tells him, in great detail, about the dreams he’s been having, but he’s not sure why he’s having them or what they mean._

_Reid thinks about how he’s been having various versions of the dream his whole life and how they’re amplified now that he’s back in Las Vegas. He leaves that part out._

_After Reid explains the dream, Morgan tells him that there’s no way of knowing that the boy in the dream is the same boy they’re looking for and that it’s also highly unlikely that they’re the same boy._

_Reid nods but then says, “I don’t think I’ll be able to go back to sleep. Can’t risk startling them again.”_

_Morgan shakes his head and lets out a sigh before moving to sit at one end of the couch next to Reid._

_He pats his lap and says, “Come on, lay down.”_

_Reid gives him a questioning look and Morgan laughs before saying, “You gotta sleep, Reid. We need that big brain of yours if we have any chance of finding this kid. And tomorrow is a big day, so lay down. I’ll be here if you start to fidget or show signs of a nightmare.”_

_Hesitantly, Reid moves to lay his head down on Morgan’s lap and pulls the blanket over himself. He feels Morgan’s fingers start running through his hair and the instant calmness he feels at the hands of Morgan almost makes him want to cry._

_It doesn’t take long for him to fall back asleep, Morgan following suit shortly after._

_After that, Morgan finds himself working on two cases – the one they traveled to Las Vegas for, and the one for Reid, for Riley Jenkins. He can see how worked up Reid is over his nightmares, and he knows how much Reid struggles with sleeping as it is. He doesn’t want anything else to heighten his insomnia._

_Reid doesn’t do well with expressing his feelings, but he has an immense amount of gratitude towards Morgan for this. He’s admired Morgan for years, and this is part of the reason why. He does things like this. He so effortlessly helps everyone around him._

_When Morgan hears Reid tell them that he’s planning on staying a few extra days, Morgan knows right away that he’s going to ask Hotch if it’s ok if he stays too. He refuses to leave Reid alone with this._

_And he doesn’t leave his side. Morgan is there with Reid through all of it, as a shoulder to lean on. He feels even more obligated to stick with Reid after he hears that Reid thinks it’s his father who killed Riley._

_And the first night that they’re working on the Riley case, Reid wakes up a little after 2 a.m. from another nightmare. He lays in bed for an hour and a half trying to go back to sleep, but he can’t._

_Growing impatient, Reid gets up, grabs his room key, and slips out of his room and makes his way down the hall. Four doors down, he knocks lightly. When he doesn’t get a response, he knocks again, harder this time._

_When the door opens, Reid is greeted with a tired and confused Morgan._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“I uh, I couldn’t sleep. Had another nightmare and I’ve just been laying there thinking for the last hour and 43 minutes.”_

_Morgan opens his door further, gesturing for Reid to come in._

_When Morgan closes the door and makes his way back towards the bed, he tells Reid to get in bed with him._

_Butterflies flood Reid’s stomach. It’s one thing to lay on a couch with Morgan, but it’s another to share a bed in a hotel room._

_“I can take the couch. If you could maybe just, do that hair thing again. You know, play with it?” Reid asks. He wonders how his brain is basically a dictionary, but when it comes to Morgan, he gets flustered and fumbles around with his words._

_Morgan lets out a small chuckle before saying, “Get in the bed, kid. No need to get a bad night’s sleep on the couch. Come on, I’ll do the hair thing.”_

_With a sudden shyness taking over him, Reid gets into bed on the opposite side of Morgan._

_Morgan puts his arm around his waist and pulls him closer, Reid’s back pressed up against Morgan’s chest._

_“This ok?” Morgan asks, his mouth painstakingly close to Reid’s ear._

_Reid nods, once again at a loss for words._

_Morgan begins combing his fingers through his hair until he can tell by the breathing that Reid is asleep._

_After the stress of this case, this becomes normal for them. Morgan will ask, in secrecy of course, if Reid needs him to go over or if he wants to come to his house. So as not to seem eager, Reid doesn’t always say yes. But when they’re away on a case and staying in hotels, Reid always finds his way to Morgan’s room when he’s sure he won’t get caught and then he’s up early enough to head back to his room before anyone catches him._

_It’s a month and a half into sharing beds, and spooning whilst Morgan playing with his hair, that they kiss for the first time. After that, everything escalates._

-

When Reid feels his strength slowly start to diminish and he can’t stop sweating, despite the cool air blasting throughout the room, he starts to worry even more. He tries his best not to panic, but as each minute passes he becomes less and less confident in finding the cure and surviving.

He feels like giving up. He’s weak and in pain and he doesn’t see the point in looking any further – he’s already looked through everything he can think of.

Reid starts mentally flipping through the important people in his life – people he will miss or who will miss him once he’s inevitably gone.

Aside from his mom, everyone he can think to say bye to is already here. He can’t imagine dying without any specific or meaningful last words to his mom, but he also can’t handle calling her himself. So Reid opts on calling Garcia.

He hates that he can hear the concern in her voice and that she’s treating him differently just because of the fact that he’s in danger. He decides to ignore it and proceed with the call.

Unsure of how to truly explain to Garcia how he’s feeling, he tells her he needs to do this as a just in case because he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he didn’t.

There’s a sinking feeling in Reid’s stomach as he records the message. He’s trying to ignore the vulnerability of saying his goodbyes to his mom with someone else listening, but he doesn’t have any other choice. He also tries his hardest to hold back his tears. He never thought he’d be faced with having to tell his mom goodbye because he himself was dying. Whilst the statistics of children dying before their parents is higher than one would think, it still isn’t supposed to happen that way.

Reid only feels slightly more relieved after recording the message. He really doesn’t want to die, but at least he can die knowing he said goodbye to his mom.

As soon as he hangs up, Garcia dials Morgan’s number. She knows Morgan is the one currently waiting it out at the house with him and she knows that with or without Morgan being there with him, he’s the best chance at talking some sense into Reid.

“What’s up, mama?” Morgan asks.

Garcia starts rambling about how Reid must be getting worse and he’s giving up and she’s worried and has a really bad feeling about this.

“Whoa, whoa, baby girl. Slow it down. What happened?” He asks.

Garcia tries to compose herself and replies, “Reid. He called me and I literally just got off the phone with him and he asked me to record a message. For his mom. Morgan, he recorded a goodbye message for his mom, and I could hear him trying not to cry.” She takes a deep breath before continuing, “Surely this isn’t a good sign, right? People don’t call to say their goodbyes unless they’re actually preparing to die.”

Morgan closes his eyes and sighs, his fingers coming up to scratch at his forehead. If Reid himself doesn’t think he has a chance at surviving, then what are the chances that he will?

“Ok, come on we’ll call him together. We’ll make it a three-way call and we’ll talk to him. He’s been in there for over an hour – he’s gotta be close.”

Garcia mutters a thanks, appreciative of her best friend for showing support every time she’s stressed in a situation where one of her teammates are in danger.

The two listen to the phone ring twice, both impatiently waiting for the younger man to answer.

When Reid does answer, he’s coughing. It doesn’t make Morgan or Garcia feel any better about it.

“How’s it going in there, kid?” Morgan asks.

“I’ve seen better days.”

Reid’s response makes Morgan sad, but he doesn’t say that. Instead, he tells Reid that he’s here with Garcia. He says it primarily to warn Reid that this isn’t a personal conversation between just the two of them, so he should be cautious with what he says.

“Hey Reid…” Garcia lets out, worry evident in her tone. Reid’s only response is a cough – it’s the best he can do right now.

“Reid, stick with me.” Morgan says before prompting to Reid to keep looking for any information pertaining to Nichols and whomever was working with him.

Morgan feels even more discouraged than he already had been when Reid tells him he has looked through everything and there are no answers. It isn’t like Reid to give up on a case so he thinks Reid must be in pretty bad shape. Garcia knows it too.

“Come on, now, kid,” Morgan tries to encourage. “I know you’re not thinking straight, but the Reid I know wouldn’t stop looking.”

Reid tries to dismiss the way Morgan’s reassuring words make him feel nervous, but in a good way. Morgan has always made him feel this way when he offers words of encouragement, but somehow it’s different now that they’re dating. A feeling of adoration pools in his stomach. 

It’s all Reid needs to pick his search back up, desperate not to disappoint Morgan for a second time today. He’s fucked up enough as it is. He starts flipping through everything he sees and going back over everything he’s already looked at.

It makes Garcia smile to herself, hearing Reid sifting through papers. She thinks about how good of a pair these two are and finds herself creating scenarios of the two in her head whilst she waits to be given anything to research.

Garcia listens as Reid lists off different things that he’s seeing and Morgan continues to push him, trying to give different possibilities of what could be going on.

When Morgan says something about Nichols being an educator, it clicks for Reid that all the signs point to work between a teacher and a student.

Together the three of them discover that Chad Brown fits the profile of the unsub they’re looking for. Garcia tells them that she’ll forward this information on to Hotch and she hangs up.

“Kid, you did real good, now get the hell out of there.” Morgan offers.

A small smile finds its way onto Reid’s lips and he says, “Thanks, I’ll try.”

“And Reid?”

“Yeah?”

Knowing Garcia is no longer on the phone with them and realizing that Reid has been in possible fatal danger all day and he hasn’t said it, he says, “I’m proud of you. And I love you, pretty boy.”

The smile on Reid’s face grows bigger, his cheeks turning a shade of rosy pink. “I love you, too. Thank you again, Morgan.”

Reid hangs up the phone as soon Dr. Kimura approaches him with an inhaler.

\----

When Reid gets escorted to the see-through tent in the red, baggy suit that was provided from Dr. Kimura and the rest of her team, he isn’t at all surprised to see Morgan standing there waiting outside of the tent with his hands in his pockets.

Reid gives him a small smile and a nod, silently letting Morgan know that they found what they presume to be the cure.

It only makes Morgan feel a tiny bit better. Now that he sees Reid out of the house and standing in front of him, he can’t really speak. So he watches instead as they take the suit off of him and immediately begin to spray him with water.

Reid can only take so much of Morgan staring at him. He can feel his embarrassment getting worse by the second.

“Go help Hotch.” Reid says, water dripping from the ends of his hair.

Morgan scoffs, thinking Reid must be crazy to think he’d leave right now. He responds with, “Hotch has plenty of people helping him.”

Reid knows it’s true. Now that they know Chad Brown is the guy behind it, all they have to do is catch him and they should be able to do it without Reid. But still, he says, “He needs you more than I do.”

“Reid, I’m gonna see you off to the hospital.” Morgan is in disbelief at the fact that Reid thought it would be any different.

“I’m about to get naked so they can scrub me down,” Reid begins, “is that something you really want to see?” And he hopes with every fiber of his being that Morgan will drop it and leave.

It doesn’t surprise him that Morgan doesn’t.

Morgan steps closer to the translucent plastic tent, trying to get himself as close to Reid as he possibly can. “I don’t care, kid. I’m not leaving you.”

And he does know that. Reid knows that ultimately, Morgan cares more about Reid’s safety and well-being than anything else. But all Reid can think about is how new their relationship still feels. Morgan has seen him naked only a handful of times and as much as he’d love to say he’s secure enough in his own body to allow Morgan to casually see him naked, he’s not. And he definitely can’t let Morgan see him naked under these circumstances. He’d never be able to live it down and he feels strongly that Morgan would never look at him the same again.

Reid looks down at his own hands and starts to fiddle with them nervously. He fights back a shiver from the water clinging itself to his clothes. He doesn’t move his head, but he does lift his eyes and looks at Morgan through his lashes and pleads, “I need you to go with Hotch. Or-or go somewhere, do something. I just… I need you to not be here right now.” He hopes it’s enough to let Morgan know how important it is that he doesn’t see this. He also hopes Morgan can’t see how insecure and vulnerable he is right now because if he does, Reid is as good as naked.

There’s a knot in Morgan’s stomach that is internally begging him to stay there and refuse to take his eyes off of Reid. And he’s aware that Reid doesn’t know what is going on inside of his head right now, but he knows Reid well enough as both a co-worker and a boyfriend to know that Reid isn’t comfortable and his presence is only going to make it worse.

With defeat in his voice, Morgan tells Reid, “I’ll check on you later.” He turns to walk away but quickly looks to Dr. Kimura and says, “Take good care of him please.”

Dr. Kimura gives Morgan a reassuring nod before he walks off for good. She hands the inhalers over to the other examiners before focusing her attention back on Reid.

She notices the discoloration on his hand and worries for him.

“Dr. Reid, did you cut your hand?”

Reid looks at the cut on his hand that he hadn’t even noticed until now and suddenly he’s also aware of how painful it is. He thinks back to earlier today when he snagged it on a thorn from a rose bush.

“Shit.” Reid says, thinking, not for the first time today, about how stupid he has been. He is a brilliant man – a genius even – and he has no idea how he has let a multitude of stupid decisions take over today. “We have what we think might be a cure, let’s uh, let’s not worry about the lesion right now. And don’t mention it to Agent Morgan. He’ll just worry more.”

Hesitantly, Dr. Kimura nods and says, “Of course, Dr. Reid.” And proceeds to rinse him as he strips down.

\----

Morgan stands with has back against the SUV, his arms folded across his chest as he waits for them to finish with Reid and bring him out to the ambulance.

It doesn’t take much longer before he sees them wheeling him on a stretcher. Morgan walks closer towards them whilst keeping his distance – still unsure about the cure and Reid’s status.

For what feels like the millionth time today, he feels dread and worry fill his body at the site of his boyfriend, who somehow looks much, much worse than he did before. As he steps closer, he can see that Reid is barely conscious, his eye lids trying to open every few seconds but ultimately failing.

As they lift Reid into the ambulance, Morgan asks Dr. Kimura if Reid is ok.

“We are doing the best that we can. He did go in with an open wound, however. It’s caused a pretty bad lesion on his hand, but we are going to do whatever we need to to get him under control.” She responds, preparing herself to step onto the ambulance.

At the same time, Morgan’s cellphone goes off and it’s Hotch telling him they could really use another eye to try to figure out where the unsub is and he asks to meet him back at the office. Morgan doesn’t want to, but he agrees to meet Hotch there.

He’s about to thank Dr. Kimura when she says something else.

“Agent Morgan,” she begins, “Dr. Reid is in a lot of pain and I know that giving him medication will help to alleviate it. He mentioned before not wanting any sort of narcotics and he seemed passionate about it, but I do think it could help him.”

Morgan shakes his head whilst putting his phone away. He responds with, “No. No narcotics. He uh… well it’s not my business to say anything, but he can’t have narcotics. Whatever you have to do, I want you to be able to do it. But no narcotics.”

Dr. Kimura assures Morgan that she won’t give Reid any narcotics and she watches as they lift Reid into the ambulance and as Morgan runs off to the SUV and drives off.

As soon as they’re in the ambulance, Dr. Kimura and the other medics begin to wrap his wound and monitor his vitals as best as they can.

She’s more than hopeful for him up until she asks how he’s feeling, and he begins to stumble on his words.

The look of worry on her face mixed with his own awareness of what his lack of coherent speech means makes him more stressed than he has felt in a long time. The last time he really feared for his life like this was when he was kidnapped by Tobias and he had hoped he’d never feel this way again.

He keeps trying to say the words that his brain is thinking. He can hear them properly in his head, but he can’t for the life of him get them out correctly and he’s starting to get frustrated.

Reid listens to Dr. Kimura telling the driver to drive faster and before he knows it, he’s coughing up blood. He knows that coughing up blood is a terrible sign and the pain in his body picks up. He can feel himself fading in and out of consciousness and the last thing he thinks of before he passes out completely, is Morgan.

\----

Morgan does his best to keep his mind more focused on catching Brown and less focused on worrying about Reid. Worrying right now isn’t going to get any of them anywhere and he needs to be there for his team.

He thinks if anything was going to distract him from thinking about Reid, it’s catching this guy. So he speaks into his mic, warning everyone off from entering the station with gas masks so as not to cause a panic. They’ve come too far today to let this all go to waste now.

“Morgan, I want you stay above ground and help the crowds. I’m gonna go down by myself.”

For the smallest second, Morgan wonders if he heard Hotch right. As if there has ever been a time in his career when he actively let a teammate tackle an unsub head on on their own.

“Not a chance, Hotch.”

“Morgan, we’re a man down. If the area’s infected, we can’t risk losing both of us as well.”

Obviously, Morgan knows this. But he’s battling enough guilt as it is for allowing even one man to go down. He refuses to stand by and watch even more fall knowing he could have helped. He just wants something to go right today.

He projects this feeling of guilt for letting Reid slip through the cracks today and says, “We are a team. We’re gonna go down as a team.”

It doesn’t come as a surprise when Hotch doesn’t argue with him. Hotch knows it’s no use – they’ve been in this situation before. Arguing with Morgan won’t get him anywhere, not when his mind is already made up.

When they get to the train station, they both go at it full speed. They decide to split up in hopes that they can complete the task quicker whilst minimizing the risk of anyone else getting infected and possibly dying.

Morgan takes the train while Hotch approaches the unsub.

As soon as he’s cleared everyone from the train, Morgan joins Hotch to help handle the unsub. Even staring at Brown makes him see red. He’s pissed that this man willingly killed so many people and that Reid could very well be one of them.

There’s nothing more satisfying than Hotch giving him the green light to make the arrest and sending Brown on his way to prison.

He waits for what he feels is a reasonable amount of time after the arrest before stressing his urgency to get to the hospital to check on Reid.

\----

Morgan attempts to get to the hospital as quickly as he can after they catch Brown. Hotch allows him to take the SUV they rode to the train station in and insists he will get a ride back to the office with one of the other members.

When he arrives at the hospital, he parks the SUV as close to the entrance as he can and he power walks his way through the doors and down the halls until he gets to where they were keeping the other infected patients.

He spots Dr. Kimura and makes his way towards her and asks, “How is he? Please tell me whatever you found in the inhaler worked.”

The knot that has camped out in his stomach all day subsides minimally as he sees a small smile plant itself on her face.

“Dr. Reid is still asleep, but he should make a perfect recovery. He may have a sore throat for a while, but all of the other patients that received the cure are healing wonderfully and we don’t see any reason why it shouldn’t be the same for him.” She responds swiftly, only allowing for a brief pause before she asks, “What about Chad Brown?”

“We got Brown, thankfully before any more casualties could occur.” He looks over at the room Reid is in and stares through the glass. “You sure he’s ok? Can I go sit with him?”

Dr. Kimura nods and begins walking slowly towards the room Reid is in. “The lesion already seems to be healing and his vitals are good. We decided to let him keep sleeping as opposed to checking on him, since he didn’t want any narcotics. Let him sleep through whatever he can.”

When they reach the door, they stop walking. Morgan doesn’t say anything in response to her, but he watches the pale boy lay in bed and his heart hurts. Reid looks like shit, if he’s being honest, and now that a lot of the worry has subsided, guilt has fully taken its place. He shouldn’t have let Reid wander off alone and if he had paid more attention when they got there, he could have prevented it or it could have been him instead.

His thoughts are interrupted when he hears Dr. Kimura’s light voice.

“How long have you two been together?”

The question startles him and he turns his head to look at her with a confused look on his face. He tries to play stupid when he asks, “Excuse me?”

She lets out a small laugh and replies, “Well I’m no profiler, Agent Morgan, so excuse me if I’m wrong, but you nearly refused to leave his side all day and you both seemed to be very concerned about each other.” She stops and looks back towards Reid, lying in the bed, before continuing. “You’re also the first person here to see him and I figure the rest are finishing up paperwork for the case. I just put two and two together.”

Morgan scoffs in disbelief. He really thought they had been better at hiding it than that, although today has proved to be different than most cases or even most days. “Little over seven months, roughly.”

“Brand new then, huh?”

“Yeah, brand spanking new. And then this happens and nobody knows about us yet and I think we both want to keep it that way, at least a little while longer, so you just have to keep it all in and it just goes to prove that not every day can be an easy one.”

Dr. Kimura smiles and pats him on the shoulder appreciatively. “Well, Agent Morgan, you don’t have to worry any more. You can go and sit there for as long as you need. It will be good for him to see such a familiar face when he wakes up.”

And with that she walks away and Morgan makes his way into the hospital room and sits in the chair. He contemplates reaching over and holding Reid’s hand but he doesn’t know when the rest of the team will be here and he doesn’t want to risk it so instead he sits and he waits.

\----

With his anxiety relieved, Morgan sits on a chair next to Reid’s hospital bed, flipping through a magazine and eating Jell-O. It’s the only thing he’s really had to eat all day and he knows he should eat more but he truly hasn’t had the stomach for it and this is light enough for him to not immediately feel sick.

As he takes another bite, he hears Reid’s dry, cracking voice ask, “Are you eating Jell-O?”

Whilst Morgan was no longer feeling super anxious about Reid and the anthrax, he physically feels the worry being lifted from stomach when he hears him speak – just knowing Reid is conscious brings the feeling of life back into him.

Morgan lets out a short laugh followed by, “Hey, kid.” He sits up a little straighter, smiling at his boy. He shifts his body and works on getting the attention of Dr. Kimura. “Hey, Doc. Look who’s back.”

“Is there any more Jell-O?” Reid asks.

Morgan laughs and shakes his head. Innocence is laced behind the words, but he can also tell that Reid is mainly trying to make light of the situation and take some of the attention off of himself. It’s a very Reid thing to ask. 

“Sorry, pretty boy. Once I started to get my appetite back, I realized I was kinda hungry, so I took the one they brought in for you.”

With a roll of his eyes, Reid, replies, “Typical of you, Derek.”

Laughing, Morgan says, “I don’t know how quickly they can get you more, but you can finish this off.” He holds the Jell-O container out towards Reid.

Reid trying to move his arms proves to be a struggle, both from his body being physically exhausted and from all the cords wrapped around him.

Morgan pulls the Jell-O back and stands up and sits on the sliver of empty space on Reid’s hospital bed. “Hey, hey,” he starts, getting Reid to stop struggling to reach the Jell-O, “relax, I got you.” Morgan begins to feed Reid the Jell-O.

Considering the events from the day, the Jell-O tastes like the best thing Reid has ever put in his mouth.

“You know, we got to talk about this right? Probably not a pretty talk.” Morgan warns.

Shifting his eyes down to where his hands lay, pulling at the blanket, he replies with, “Can’t it wait? Can’t we just be grateful for how successful this ended up being?”

Morgan shakes his head. “Successful isn’t exactly the word I’d use, Spencer. You can’t do shit like this. You can’t put yourself in danger and we can’t separate on the job. We both know that never works out. We’re a team and we have to do things as a team.”

“I know, but we have this same fight every time and it never changes and it’s never going to. It’s part of the job.”

“I know, but this time was different.” Morgan explains

Reid gives him a look of confusion before saying, “Not really. I mean sure, it felt a lot more dangerous but with every case that we go into where we put ourselves into danger will always have a 50-50 chance of survival.”

Morgan spoons another bite of Jell-O into Reid’s mouth. “I think we both know that those odds aren’t exact for this situation and I think you know the actual numerical chances for this exact case but you’re holding out for the sake of the argument.”

Reid chuckles and asks Morgan once again if they can talk about this later, moving his hand to place it on Morgan’s wrist that is settled on his thigh holding the Jell-O.

“Fine, but it’s not over.” Morgan responds, feeding Reid the last bite.

Reid reflects on everything that has occurred and he thinks about how grateful he is for his team who did everything they could to make sure that he came out of this alive. And he thinks about Morgan and how he never wanted to leave his side and now he’s lying on a hospital bed whilst Morgan feeds him and he thinks about how good this feels – how happy and relieved he feels. He thinks about how he could spend all of his days in bed with Morgan, sharing food and getting fed. And he realizes in this exact moment that Morgan is the love of his life and that one day, he is sure that the chances of them being able to stay in bed all day and sharing food is 100%.   



End file.
